


Whiskey drowns the memory

by NCC_1019



Series: Shakespeare Sonnets [1]
Category: Detroit Evolution - Fandom, Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Character, Blanket Permission, Coffee, Feelings, Human Disaster Gavin Reed, M/M, Nines beeing Nines, Nines being Nines, Post-Octopunk Media's Detroit: Evolution Fan Film, Whiskey - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:28:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26798827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NCC_1019/pseuds/NCC_1019
Summary: Who said being in a relationship was easy. Especially if you are as self-loathing as Gavin Reed and your partner definitely deserves better. But saying “I love you” should be easy right?
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Series: Shakespeare Sonnets [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1954390
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter 1

It had been a normal morning, had started out quite well actually. When Gavin had woken up, after 7 hours of sleep no less, Nines had made sure of that, he had felt the now familiar presence of another body in bed with him. Nines had been next to him, still in stasis and clothed in his now familiar bed attire of a pair of Gavin’s pyjamas. He looked dead comfortable even though Gavin knew that it made no difference to Nines what he was wearing. Yet he had a feeling that Nines liked dressing for bed with Gavin and Gavin loved having Nines next to him throughout the night, guarding his sleep. 

“Good morning, Gavin.” He had not realised that Nines had awoken from stasis and was now looking back at him.

“Slept well?” “You know that I do not sleep. That is a concept exclusive to humans.” “You know what I mean.” At that Nines started to smile and Gavin slightly shoved at him while at the same time trying to hide a smile and failing miserably. “Yes Gavin, I had a quite satisfactory ‘sleep’. We will need to get out of bed in the next ten minutes if we want to make it to the station in time.”

With that their day began, but not before Gavin had leaned into Nines space to give him a chased good morning kiss that made him want to stay there for hours, just basking in the presence of the android.

“You are late.” Tina didn’t sound pissed but she sure as hell didn’t look happy about it.

“Yeah, what is it to you?”

“I want to close this case but as I am still not a detective and you were the lead on the case I need your signature. For that to happen you need to actually be physically present.” Ok, now she sounded pissed. Well that’s what everyone had to go through, he certainly wouldn’t make an exception – waiting for the lead detective to finish the paperwork was part of building your character.

“Just put it on my desk and I’ll give it a look.”

Without a word she threw the file on his desk and headed to the break room.

Not two minutes later Chris was coming up to him. “Hey, we might have a possible murder near the docs. Several parts of an android were found not far from the harbour. If you add all of them up, you could almost build an entire android, so I’m wondering if someone was dismantled there. Could you come take a look at it with me? I could use another pair of eyes.” Chris was leaning against his desk and he looked as if he hadn’t had a good night sleep in a few days.

“Sure thing. Just let me have a cup of coffee first. Hey, is everything all right with you? You look like death warmed over.”

“Thanks for the compliment. You know how much I love being insulted this early in the morning.”

At that Nines was walking in with Gavin’s typical shark cup with contained the steaming fluid Gavin needed to survive called coffee. He placed it in front of Gavin and picked up the case file Tina had put on Gavin’s desk. “Yeah everything is alright,” Chris continued. “I just didn’t realise how much work becoming a detective would entail. And with a two year old who wants as much attention from his father as he wants from his mother there is not much time for sleep. So I value your contribution to this case even more.”

“Yeah sure. No problem. And Chris, if you need some time off, I’m sure Nines would be more than happy to contribute some of his free time to take over your paperwork.” Gavin smirked slyly at Nines who glared at him, yet his LED stayed blue.

“Of course I would Detective Miller. Spending time with one’s children is a very important part of their development and I would be happy to help you free time for that. However Gavin, I would very much appreciate if you would let me make such proposals on my own accord.”

Gavin just grinned, trying to look as innocent as possible and took a deep sip from his coffee mug.

“Nines what the fuck is this?” Gavin asked disgusted.

“That would be coffee.”

“No, whatever that is, it fucking hell is not coffee. Comes closer to a torturing device.”

“I assure you, it is coffee. However, I admit it is not your usual coffee. You have been increasing your coffee take in over the last few weeks. In order to compensate this, this is decaf.”

Betrayal, there was no other word for the look on Gavin’s face. Utter and utmost betrayal.

“No! I’m not drinking decaf. No way tin can.”

“Gavin it is more beneficial for your health and your sleeping habit.”

“No. No way and especially not as my first coffee of the day. How do you expect me to start thinking? I need my coffee.” His voice was indignant and Chris next to him snickered silently. It was rare to see them so at ease in the office.

“Go on and make me a new one and this time a proper one.” “Detective I am not your personal butler. I have made you a perfectly good coffee, out of the kindness of my heart. I am not going to make you a new one just because you do not like the way I have prepared it.” Nines voice was hard but his eyes were soft and warm so Gavin knew he had a chance to get what he wanted with just one word. “Please.” Nines mimic melted in a way that only Gavin could make happen.

“I hate you,” he said and turned towards the break room.

“No you love me.” Gavin said it in his usual teasing tone, the way they tended to do. Yet at that Nines turned around to Gavin: “Yes. I do love you.” Their eyes connected and Nines was holding Gavin’s eyes in his, more intimate than any touch could have been and underlining his words. It wasn’t the first time Nines had told him, but Gavin’s heart still sped up and his breath hitched slightly. After a few moments Nines smiled at him, a private and intimate smile and then turned to prepare Gavin a new coffee.

“Oh man.” Chris’ voice cut through the warm, fuzzy feeling Gavin was experiencing and brought him back to reality. “I didn’t realise you two could be so sweet, you might actually give my cavities.” He had a shit-eating grin displayed on his face. “I also didn’t think I would ever here an android say he loves a human. What a weird world we live in. Did it take long for him to say it back to you?”

Gavin hadn’t thought he would hate discussing anything more than his past, but being questioned about his relationship with Nines by Chris somehow seemed worse.

“Actually, he didn’t say it back,” Gavin said defensively.

“What, so he was the one to say the “magical three word” first? Huh … I always thought it would be you confessing your love to him. So, how long did it take you to respond?”

Why the hell was Chris this curious about his relationship with Nines?

“I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t think I ever said the words. It doesn’t matter.” Gavin was getting annoyed, he just quite wasn’t sure at whom.

“WHAT?” Chris had raised his voice. “You never told Nines that you love him? How is that possible?”

OK, now it was getting too much. He couldn’t deal with this.

“Shut up Chris. Let’s go if you still want me to help with the case and drop it.” With that he stood up and left the precinct before Nines could come back with the coffee and make the situation even more awkward.

Gavin avoided Nines for most of the day. He stayed at the crime scene longer than it was necessary, stopped to have breakfast and a decant cup of coffee (finally) and when he returned to the precinct he buried himself in paperwork, so that he wouldn’t have to look at Nines. All the while his mind kept getting stuck at the realisation that he never told Nines how he felt, not with these words and not in a way that mattered.

It was around four o’clock when he couldn’t take it any longer. He never was a patient man and he needed to do something to silence this feeling of anxiety. So he got up and with brisk steps made his way to the break room, where Nines was preparing jet another coffee. Ok, maybe he should prepare some of the coffee he drank himself, but in his defence Nines’ tasted better.

“Hey there.” “Hello Gavin. I see you have taken a break in your workflow. It is rare that you concentrate this hard on paperwork. Is everything alright?” Nines voice sounded concerned and his LED had turned yellow, yet his eyes looked at Gavin lovingly.

“Yes, no … yes. I … I just wanted to tell you something.” Gavin on the other hand couldn’t meet Nines eyes. He stayed silent after that.

.

.

.

.

“What is it you want to tell me?” Nines voice turned soft, probably due to the fact that Gavin hadn’t said anything in the last three minutes.

Gavin’s heart sped up, he started sweating, his breath was coming in unregularly. He wanted to say it, he really did. He wanted to say something, he wanted … wanted. His mind was turning white and hot and …. He didn’t know what he wanted. What was he doing here? He was breathing shallow. His vision blurred. There was noise in his ears. He couldn’t do it. Couldn’t … He didn’t even want to anymore. He just wanted to get away. Just get out of this situation. Flee. Be done with it. Damn the consequences. He just didn’t want to be here anymore. Didn’t want anyone looking at him. No one acknowledging him. Just get away.

His slowly breath settled. The noise in his ears gradually faded and the world around him started to focus again. “Never mind,” he mumbled. “I’m heading out.” And for the second time today he fled.

\---

The first whiskey hit Gavin hard. It filled his mouth with smoke, toffee _,_ and vanilla and set his throat on fire. He revelled in the feeling and waited for it to slowly fade and the warmth in his stomach to kick in. He hadn’t had a drink in quite a while, so even this first whiskey prompted his fingers to tingle slightly and the cutting hurt and dread that had built throughout the day to settle. It wasn’t like it all evaporated but finally he could focus on something else than those feelings.

Gavin closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. It calmed him even more, the stale air of the bar, the clank from the kitchen and the mumbled voices in the background. He could just sit here and pretend to have everyday problems, like anybody else, that he wasn’t so much more screwed up than all of those people around him. That he didn’t just loose the only person he could see himself with ten years from now, his best friend, his partner, the one person that he truly loved more than his misery. No, he didn’t want to think about this. He rather gulped down his second whiskey. There … he wasn’t thinking about it anymore. Not at all.


	2. Chapter 2

“There you are.” A familiar voice pulled Gavin out of his thoughts. Immediately he relaxed before stiffening again as he remembered why he was sitting here in this bar.

“It is very uncommon to see you here and drinking might I add. This alongside with your smoking is not to the benefit of your health.” Nines sat down next to him but made no attempts to speak further nor to order a drink and drink alongside Gavin in silence.

Why the fuck was this so bloody hard, why was Gavin crawling out of his skin because he Nines wouldn’t keep talking. Why did he feel like someone had ripped out his heart and left him for dead at a roadside? … Oh yeah …

After the silence stretched and it became more and more uncomfortable, unusual for them, Gavin could no longer take the silence: “What the fuck are you doing here?” Well that could have sounded nicer.

“I calculated that I had left you alone for long enough so that you could deal with whatever bothered you today. So, I showed up at your door, but you weren’t home. It was quite late already and I decided to ask Detective Miller about your whereabouts. I had been informed, by you no less, that it was so called “creepy” to keep a constant awareness of the whereabouts of one’s partner. The detective however was less than helpful so I turned to Tina who suggested three spots where you might be. I found you at the one she suggested first.” While reconstructing his steps Nines LED turned yellow as if his own retelling was confusing him. “Maybe I should consult Tina about this mood of yours. As you are unwilling to tell me what is going on.”

“Don’t you fucking dare!” Again Gavin’s words were harsher than he had intended them to be, but even the prospect of bringing in another person made his skin crawl. 

Slowly, as if handling a scared animal, Nines hand took Gavin’s hand, the one that wasn’t clinging to the empty whiskey glass.

“Gavin you have been distant this entire day, you didn’t come home, please talk to me.” Nines voice was soft, so soft that Gavin could barely make it out. “Please, you are worrying me. Gavin … please.”

And fuck, he couldn’t do that to Nines. He couldn’t make him worry, not like this, not in a way that made Nines seem like he was scared. Gavin didn’t know how he ever could have thought that Nines couldn’t feel anything, was nothing but a tin can. Everything that tin can was feeling was so present on his face while always being subtle. How could anyone be so perfect while annoying the shit out of him?

“Listen tin can, it has nothing to do with you. So just leave it, ok?” Fuck, he just couldn’t strike the right court today. Nines LED turned red for a moment and his face contorted as if he had been hit before freezing into a neutral expression.

“Alright Detective. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow at work.”

_> You bloody worthless asshole.<_ Gavin cursed at himself. He couldn’t let Nines leave. Not like this, not after how he treated him today. Before Nines was out of his reach, Gavin grabbed Nines’ hand and stopped him form leaving.

“I’m sorry Nines. Don’t leave.” Nines turned back around and looked him dead in the eyes. Whatever Nines seemed to find there, he sat back down, but stayed silent.

“Look, I just … I don’t want this to be over, because I like this, I like us. You are good for me, you bring me coffee and make sure that I eat and sleep. Hell most nights you are the only reason I’m not afraid to go to sleep. You are still there in the morning, every morning. When you hold my hand I feel centred …” - at that he started playing with Nines hand which turned white and started lightly glowing - ” … and when you kiss me everything falls away.” Gavin took a deep breath and his eyes started getting wet. “And then you go and tell me that you love me and that is everything to me because it is you and I start sounding like some teenage boy or some shit. You are so secure in this that you can say it casually and you can tease me about it and about me returning the feeling … and it just comes so easily. Then there is me. This dipshit of a partner who is just so broken that I can’t say it back. Even after hearing it from you, even after almost loving you, even after spending almost every evening with you and you holding me through countless nightmares … I can’t say it.

I feel it! Every time I see your hand turn white, every time you bring me coffee or insult my taste of music I feel it. I just … I can’t say it. What kind of partner am I, if I can’t tell you. There is so much I can’t give you.”

Gavin’s eyes are only pointed at the bar in front of him but thought out his speech he hadn’t stopped playing with Nines’ hand.

“What is it you want to say Gavin?” Nines voice doesn’t show any of his usual subdued emotions. Gavin slowly raiseed his eyes and even though it breaks his heart, he looks Nines directly in the eyes while saying: “I’m not good for you. I think you should be with someone who is less broken and you should search for that one without me.”

“So you are suggesting we break up?” “Yes” “No.” “No?” “No!”

Nines keeps looking into Gavin’s eyes and intertwines their fingers.

“No we are not breaking up. Your reasoning is anything but sound.” Nines softly placed his other hand on Gavin’s cheek, drawing small circles with his thump just to have another point of contact to this strong, brave, stupid, scared human that he loves.

“I know how you feel. I know you love me, you tell me with every sly remark, with every snarky comment you make just because it is “us”. You tell me with every cigarette you are not smoking, even though you want to, but in all honesty, you still smoke too much, these things will kill you.” A small smile appeared on both their faces before Nines continues.

“You show me every time we kiss, every time you hold my hand when we are in bed. You helped me rebuilt my garden and even pushed me to try gardening here, which went horribly wrong.”

“Yeah, well you can’t just will the plants to grow; you actually need to water them.”

“Every time you make me feel like I am part of something, like I belong, like I am important to you, you declare your love for me. I don’t need to hear the words, I see them every day. … Now I had been confused at first. All of this is as new to me as it is to you, but Tina advised me to consult some literature in this regard and I did find a poem by one Shakespeare that seemed to apply to your state of mind. It helped me understand how, in all likelihood, you are communicating. May I recite it to you?”

Gavin never had poetry recited to him but this seemed like one of those days for new experience, like having a partner who could deal with his inability to communicate.

“Make it quick tin can.” Gavin smiled at Nines and knew that this time it was meant and received as a quip.

“ **As an unperfect actor on the stage,**

**Who with his fear is put beside his part,**

**Or some fierce thing replete with too much rage,**

**Whose strength’s abundance weakens his own heart,**

**So I, for fear of trust, forget to say**

**The perfect ceremony of love’s rite,**

**And in mine own love’s strength seem to decay,**

**O’ercharg’d with burden of mine own love’s might.**

**O, let my looks be then the eloquence**

**And dumb presagers of my speaking breast,**

**Who plead for love, and look for recompense,**

**More than that tongue that more hath more express’d.**

**O, learn to read what silent love hath writ:**

**To hear with eyes belongs to love’s fine wit. “**

“So …”

“So?”

“We are not breaking up?”

“No Gavin, we are not breaking up. We are going home and then you are going to sleep, because you look exhausted. Tomorrow we will however, talk about whether you talking to a therapist might be something you are willing to do. But for now I am going to hug you, because I have barely seen you today and this has been an emotional evening.”

With that Nines stood up and pulled Gavin into a tight, warm embrace.

“Normally people would go in for a kiss.” Gavin mumbled into Nines neck. He would kiss Nines in a minute and then they would leave, together, going home, being there for each other.

But right now, feeling Nines against him, burring his face in Nines neck, their arms around each other and knowing Nines war smiling happily, Gavin wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here it is.  
> I kind of love how Gavin can't say "those three words" and how it is a big deal for him.  
> I think that just because Gavin is in a relationship the things that he has to deal with didn't just vanish and neither did his insecurities. 
> 
> The sonnet is Sonnet XXIII by William Shakespeare. I can only recomend reading some of his other sonnets. They are lovely and tend to be a little cheeky. If you want to read a different kind of love poem I suggest you read Sonet CXXX.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is chapter one, chapter two will be up next week. In chapter two we will get to see a bit more of Nines.
> 
> I watched the film (Detroit Evolution) and went down the rabbit hole and now I'm happily taken hostage by the fandom. So thank you Octopunk Media for such an amazing peace of art.
> 
> If any of you have any recommendations on what or how I can improve, I'm always grateful for constructive criticism. Stay safe and be kind to eachother.


End file.
